My name is Thom Lancaster, and I’ve been trying to kill myself with food over the course of my life. I had a wake up call at my most recent series of Drs Appointments, and found out some hard truths.

1. I weigh 595 pounds.

2. I’m a barely managed diabetic

3. My cholesterol is through the roof.

4. Unless dramatic changes are made now, I will not make it to 40.

The fact I have not died or at least had a heart attack is nothing short of miraculous.

I have tried time and time again to lose the weight, to make better choices. I have failed time and time again. I have failed for the following reasons.

1. Depression. I’ve always been depressed, I don’t know exactly what not being depressed is like. I know since moving back I feel much happier and am much more active.

2. I’m addicted to soda.

3. I put my work ahead of everything else. Including and especially my health.

4. I don’t hold myself accountable.

This post is my attempt at being open and accountable. I know this will be a long difficult road. But I have everything to lose of I fail.

I’m not looking for inspirational messages. I’m not looking for “you got this!” Etc. I’m not looking for anything. I’m just being open about the poor choices I have made, and how those habits live on in my nephews.

Tired

I haven't posted in a long time, and for good reason.

My depression is at an all time high?  low?  It's pretty terrible in any event.

My wife in her infinite wisdom recognizes this, and thinks writing things out will help.

Truth is, I'm tired.

I'm tired of feeling like there is no point.

I'm tired of breaking everything .

I'm tired of feeling sick

I'm tired of not fitting anything or anywhere.

I'm tired of living.

Ultimately I'm tired of losing.

Depression is a constant fight, and I realize now its a losing fight.  Because you are fighting your own mind. You can't fight your own mind by yourself, you will lose.

My wife deserves better than I'm giving her.  And dying is giving her the very worst.

I'm seeking help.

Free at last Fridays  ARMS!!

Cardio, cardio, cardio 15 mins, building up (we'll cover that later)

Barbell Curl 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Lying Triceps Press 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Hammer Curls 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Triceps Pushdown 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Incline Dumbell Curl 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Cable Rope Overhead Triceps Extension 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Concentration Curls 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Tricep Dumbbell Kickback  10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Saturday and Sunday are rest days.  REST!

Thursday Shoulders!

Again, Cardio 15 mins; remember what the goal is.

Barbell Shoulder Press 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Arnold Dumbell Press 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Cable Crossovers 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Side Lateral Raise 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Seated bent-over rear delt raise 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Wednesday Leg Day!

Give your upper body a break... at least until tomorrow!

15 mins cardio (still building, eventual goal is going to be 2-3 miles as fast as possible)

Standing Calf Raises 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Leg Extensions 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Leg Curls 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Seated Calf  Raises 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Squats (weighted or not, build up to weighted)
10,10,10,10
30 seconds rest between sets

Seated Leg Press 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Inverted Leg Press 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets.

Tuesday  Core Day

15 mins of Cardio (still building)

Side planks 2 mins each side, divided up in 30 second intervals

Planks 4 mins, divided up into 30 second intervals

Weighted crunches 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at Maximum weight
30 seconds rest between sets

Back Savers 5 sets of 10

Deadlifts 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
5,5,5,5
5 at Maximum weight
30 seconds between sets

Kettle-bell swings 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
10,10,10,10
10 at maximum weight
30 seconds between sets

Monday Chest, Back Day

15 mins cardio (i'm building up slowly)

Dumbell Flyes, 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows.
30, 15, 12, 10,
8 at maximum weight.
30 seconds of rest between sets

Pulldowns, 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows.
30,15,12,10
8 at maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Seated Rows 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

T-Bar Rows 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Bench Press 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Inclined Bench Press 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets

Fireman Pulls 10 pounds under maximum weight sets as follows
30,15,12,10
8 at maximum weight
30 seconds of rest between sets